Leaving Lubbock has been a very surreal process. Its so easy to get wrapped up in the moving, packing, and leaving that it has only now been hitting me how big of a deal this is.
Lubbock was never really supposed to be my home. I didn't really have any intention of making friends or establishing a life here. When I arrived, my only goal was to get my law degree and leave. I figured if I made friends in the process then great, but my "real" life was elsewhere. I was going to kick ass in school, get a job in Dallas and get married sometime after graduation. Lubbock got the best of me though. I made friends and I fell in love with Texas Tech. I found that I really enjoyed school, whether my grades were average or not, and I found some really amazing people here.
My law school friends, as it turned out, were my lifeline. To be honest, I'm not entirely sure if I would have made it out of there alive without them. They were there to push me to compete in advocacy, study with me when I struggled with a concept...and when my personal life fell apart they were there to hold me together long enough to finish out the semester. There have been very few people in this world I felt like I could call on in an instant who would be there to support me no matter what, but I was able to find those people here in Lubbock of all places.
Even as I began to think things were coming to a close and my friends were moving on to other cities and finding jobs, I found new people. I found the hash house harriers and I found my uudduu happy hour group. They are people who look for fun and who don't get down about being in a small town, but instead make the best of it. I wish I had the chance to get to know all of them better.
As I look around this empty apartment all I can see are memories. Teagan and Nicky playing on the kitchen floor; feeling nervous the first time I babysat my little cousin Mckay; the exact spot where I curled up in a ball crying as I called my ex boyfriend at 2am to apologize; the place on the carpet where Nicky got violently sick - which I discovered at 3am after a long night of studying; the wine rack my most recent ex installed; cleaning a pumpkin while the boyfriend watched football; my sister and I doing girly waxing/pedicure night; inventing drinking games with Brad's stupidly intoxicating margaritas; my family yelling profanities as we all tried to play 4 person mario kart on my tiny television; my mom caring for me during the bar exam; sitting on the floor surrounded by boxes as Chris and I talked till 11:30 about stupid random shit; three guy friends crashing on my couches as they passed through to go skiing......
Seems everywhere I turn something new comes into my head. Even just taking my key off my keychain made me think of all the people who've held the spare key to my apartment (the two boyfriends, my mom, sister, Brad...). I'm generally used to moving around a lot so I don't get too sentimental about things. Even just a few years ago I was trying to get my parents to sell my childhood house. Lubbock, however, will always hold a place in my heart as a transitional point in my life. Maybe it was never supposed to be my permanent home, but my experiences here and in law school have changed me substantially - for better or worse.
I'm not where I thought I would be. I'm not married or engaged...hell, I'm not even dating anyone, I don't have a job in Dallas, or anywhere for that matter and I sure as heck don't have my life planned out like I thought I would. Maybe its better this way. I have the freedom to do whatever I want and go wherever I want with my life...no plans involved. And, for that, I am appreciative of the changes that Lubbock and Texas Tech brought to my life. I have found some life long friends, truly connected with distant family, found my calling in life, and I am finally in place where I can honestly say that I really have no frickin clue what the future holds - but I'm going to go find out...no planning or expectations involved.
I guess through the past 3 years I somehow managed to make this place into a home...even if it was only a temporary one. So here is to you Lubbock, you got the best of me. While I still don't quite love you, I appreciate the friends and family you brought to my life and the changes you created.
And onward I go... Peace out, Lubbock. :)
I can share your feelings. All I can say is everywhere we go, even if its one or two years, you make where you are "your home". You ended up doing that in Lubbock. You embraced it, which is always a good thing. You made the most of it and found true friends that will follow you through out your life. What a gift. The next adventure is about to begin and you need no plans.
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